Typically, when I start a blog after having waited so long to post since the previous, I would start by saying “I’m BACK!”, or “It’s ME AGAIN!”, or “Sorry it’s been so long…”.
I’m not the most consistent person. I never have been. It’s a product of letting the enemy use me against myself. That’s one of the things I’ll share with you in this post.
For the past few weeks, our church has participated in 21 days of prayer. We didn’t plan to fast. However, for the first time in my LIFE, God called me to fast a specific thing for Him. I have “participated” in corporate fasts before. However, I have NEVER heard clearly from God WHAT to fast. Or even that I SHOULD! Therefore, this will be the only 3 week prayer and fasting period in my 22 years of being a Christian that I actually completed and completed HAPPILY I might add.
This will be a long one so plan accordingly! 😊
I’m going to jump back about four weeks. That’s when it really started for me.
Almost immediately, when the church announced the upcoming 21 days of prayer, God told me to fast meat along with it. I initially thought I was just talking to myself. Isn’t that how God sounds sometimes? Like when you’re right in the middle of de-cluttering the things that are in between your listening ear and God’s whisper? Like you’re talking to yourself? I knew it was God because, if you know me, you know I would NEVER tell myself to give up meat! Sometimes my entire meal consists ONLY of meat! But I was down to clown! I was so overjoyed that for the first time, I felt God was giving me clear direction. Boy was He EVER! I never understood the weight of a fast for Jesus until now. He feels your sacrifice for Him and rewards you!
A few days before the fast, I started consistently writing my prayers down. You might could call it a prayer journal but, I’ll be honest, I write them on whatever paper I find around me so it’s really prayer JOURNALS! At any given time, I probably have at least 6 active journals in my life. Some are at home, some in my car, purse, at work…
I was AMPED UP! My pastors encouraged that I be more specific, less vague, in my prayers to God. So I started doing so. I thought about my kids. Yes I might know what my kids want but I’d like for them to ask me specifically and politely, not just see if I do it without them asking. Furthermore, they may not realize that I’m doing it if they don’t ask first!
First, I asked God to put my feet to service. I didn’t really know exactly what that meant, it was just something I felt like God was pushing me towards. I love to serve people and make them happy, I love to help people. But it was something different He was telling me to do and I didn’t, still don’t entirely, know what that meant.
The day before the 21 days of prayer and fasting started, I was asked and able to assist in a memorial for a church member’s father. Half of our staff from church was set to go to a conference out of town that weekend and they almost cancelled had a few of us not been able to jump in. It is going to sound terrible to say, but it’s one of my fondest memories of helping someone in need. How better to help someone than in their and their family’s time of mourning and grief? Not that I EVER want anyone to experience it, but we all know that it happens. Now, do I want to have a career change into the funeral business? NO! But it was such an answer to my prayer asking God to SHOW ME what it meant to put my feet to service.
I don’t know about you but a lot of time when I pray, whether out loud or on paper, I feel like God is taking control of what I’m saying. Like I’ll say it or write it and then pause. Like…WHOA….I didn’t know I felt like that. Or…I didn’t know I wanted that… It’s amazing to me.
I prayed that God would come to me in my dreams. The only time I ever remembered Him doing so was shortly after my Aunt died. He brought her to me in my dreams to show me how happy she was. This time was different. I promise you, the NIGHT after I prayed that, I had a series of dreams. The one I remembered MOST but LEAST at the same time, was just an image of a double-edged sword with a clear understanding that it was the two edged sword from the bible. It WAS the bible. The other part of that short snippet was God showing me a new definition for my church’s name THOI. The part that I still struggle with is that I could not and cannot, for the life of me, remember what it was!!! It was clear! But it was gone! Still working on that.
A couple of days later, I wrote, “anoint me”, in my prayer. I had no idea what in the world I was asking. Lo and behold, that very next Sunday, one of my pastors felt called to anoint the hands of those outstretched with oil. ME! I was one of those! To be honest, I still don’t know what I am supposed to do with it but I DO know it’s something BIG! So, stay tuned for THAT!
Fast forward a bit, we (our church) were praying for God to make us uncomfortable and to be READY to pray that! It took a bit but I knew I was ready. So that was the meditation for a while. Not long after, we were invited and decided to go to a women’s conference, put on by an amazing organization. However, the venue was something very uncomfortable for me, at the time. God was really telling me to attend but I couldn’t understand why God would want me to go there. Well….He was making me uncomfortable. As a result, I made some good friends, visited with some old friends, and realized that God had really healed some things in me that made me way more comfortable there than I ever thought I would have been.
I asked God to show me my heart but to fill it with His and do you know what happened? I became forgiving of myself for my heart. What that means is, I’ve always been so insecure about my heart. I hate confrontation, if it happens or if someone is upset with me, I get physically sick over it and recluse. I don’t like it when people think I have money or possessions greater than theirs. It makes me very uncomfortable when someone compliments me on something. My first instinct is to dumb it down…to dumb MYSELF down. I don’t like when I don’t have empathy for something I feel like I should and sometimes don’t like that I do when I feel like I shouldn’t. I hate that I can’t hate anyone. Who does that? I shouldn’t WANT to hate, but I hate that I CAN’T hate…For all these reasons and many more, I’ve always just wished I were….different. No longer! God made me. I’m a masterpiece. God needs me to be exactly who I am, feel exactly how I feel, and love exactly how I love. Everyone is different and that is something to feel BLESSED about, not guilty or jealous or lesser than for.
I’ve prayed for God to let others see Him in me. That’s something I’ve always prayed for. But these past few weeks of prayer and fasting have amplified those prayers immensely. There are several close people in my life that have gone out of their way lately to tell me that I seem different, I’m glowing, I’m growing…. God is working! I’ve had several opportunities at work to talk about Jesus with my coworkers and vendors! That’s never happened. Or at least, I’ve never gone through the open windows!
I’ve prayed God put a hunger in me to know Him more. I, now, can’t go a day without listening to at least one of Steven Furtick’s sermons on YouTube. I love it! I can’t get enough of Jesus!
I’ve prayed for my children – I’ve seen the oldest working on her heart and the youngest nourishing her prayer life!
I’ve prayed for my husband for many different things and by God’s grace, this man joined us at church the last day of the fast! Won’t God do it! 😊
Almost every single day, whatever is on my heart, I wind up hearing about more of it in sermons, songs, etc. It’s absolutely astounding how God works like that!
God has completely taken over my YouTube and Spotify feed…I will denounce the algorithms because it’s all God! He’s been showing me exactly what I need to hear every time I open the apps!
We’ve had prayer nights at church. Quiet, intimate, intentional times of prayer. Praying on our own but with each other. I will never forget, I knelt at the alter to pray and looked around asking God, “I know that you can, but HOW can you listen to all of our prayers at once with your whole heart?”. God simply said, “I AM WHO I SAY I AM”. I smiled. It was so stern but so reassuring that God is everywhere and He is with everyone. It’s not for me to know HOW. HOW is just a distraction in my acceptance of His love. If I focus on the HOW or even on the WHY, it deters me from HIM. We don’t need explanations, we need affirmations.
God has shown me how a father should love his daughter. I feel it, I accept it, and I am in awe!
I have really struggled with whether or not I should keep writing. I absolutely love it but I have always struggled with the enemy on it reminding me that I have no indication that anyone is reading, that I’m not helping a soul, that I’m not even good at it. This goes back to what I said in the beginning. I was praying asking God to ensure the enemy isn’t able to use me against anyone in their lives when God made it clear to me that I was letting the enemy use me against myself in my inconsistency and insecurity with my gifts. It’s like he slapped me right upside the head, which I could TOTALLY see Him doing! “Quit it, Rachael”.
I now KNOW I’m a good writer! I went back and read some of my blogs from 2020 and, to be honest, I don’t remember writing some of them. Had I not been on my website, I would have thought someone else had written them and they were GOOD! I’m not boasting, I’m thankful! Thankful that God has given me a gift and proved to me that it is mine! (As far as the 2018 posts…I’m not claiming some of them 😊)
I’m not bragging when I share my story. However, if you’re anything like me, you may have never experienced what it’s like to actively, happily, whole-heartedly participate in a prayer and fast for Jesus. When you’re ready, God will make it clear to you. Just listen to Him and go! I can tell you I have SO MANY MORE Blog ideas based on things God has shown me and made clear to me these past few weeks.
I’ve been so humbled by it all. So grateful, so thankful, so in love with God and what He is doing in my life and the lives of the people around me. I see so many lives changing and so many people growing in faith. I couldn’t see that before. Not because of them, but because there were so many things in the way of me seeing and hearing from God. Those things are gone at the moment! And with all of God’s power, I will not let them get back in the way! I can’t wait to share more with you in the next few months! It’s so good what God is doing!
Bye for now,
RR
rachrich.org 