When you know it’s Him, you just know!

Sometimes it is very discouraging to log on to your chosen electronic device and skim through your feeds.  It truly seems that most everyone just wants to find the negative in everything in life and make sure you know how they feel….it’s unnecessary and truly reflects the enemy attacking on every level.  So, today, I want to….NO….I am REQUIRED to tell you a story about what happened in MY life yesterday.   A POSITIVE story!

Disclaimer-I very much encourage you, if you are a believer, to stop and pray over what you are about to read before you read it.  Pray that God opens your heart and tells you what it is He wants you to learn from this.  If you are not a believer, I hope that you can apply this story in a way that positively cultivates your faith!

A little backstory first, as it’s imperative to share so that you fully understand the story as well as my mindset.

I have been saved for 16 years.  I understood and acknowledged and LOVED that Jesus died on the cross, shed his blood so that my sins would be forgiven.  The Holy Spirit entered my body and has been with me ever since.  Two months ago…..16 years later….I FINALLY have started nurturing my Christianity.  SIXTEEN years…later… How shameful, right!?  How dare I! Who gets saved and gets all pumped up on a “Holy ROLL” and doesn’t continue on with the journey immediately!  Answer….ME! A 14 year old, vulnerable yet saved, impressionable yet faithful, squirrely yet determined girl.  It, sadly, did not take too long before I was on a more secular path than what I had envisioned for myself at the time.  I treated the Holy Spirit as an annoying conscience/cousin that I had to shoo away all the time.  Now…fast forward 16 years.  I’d been back in church and practicing my faith for a while now but I’d been spending more time asking God to remind me to talk to Him than I spent actually talking to Him.  I just couldn’t get my spiritual bearings.  I wanted them.  I even talked with my closest friends about my desire to desire a better relationship with God.  I just couldn’t get there.  A few months ago I’d attended my kids’ school church’s Christmas service and it really had me hyped up.  It was amazing and I felt the Holy Spirit up in the house!  The next day, on my way to work, I heard Riley Clemmons’s new song, “Broken Prayers”.  I was sure that God must have pushed play at the DJ station and cleansed my perspective all the while dancing it up!  Those lyrics turned on that dusty, flickering light bulb in my soul. And my spiritual thirst arrived that instance!

You want my tears, every messy word
Every scar and every fear
You want all I have
With no holding back
When I’m hurt, at my worst
You meet me there
‘Cause you see the beauty
In my broken prayers

Now-another part of the backstory….(think of this backstory format as a This Is Us episode…just bouncing around timelines! 🙂 )

About 7 months ago, I resigned from a job that I felt was sucking the joy out of me day by day, hour by hour.  I took another position with a different company, in a different industry, making 58% less gross  per year.  (To put it in perspective-suppose you were trying to sell an item on Craigslist for $1000.00.  However, you got to the Wal-Mart parking lot, under the 4^th light pole on the north side, behind O’Charley’s only to find out the purchaser only brought you $420.00…but you took it because you needed that item out of your house and OUT OF YOUR LIFE….that’s what I did.)  My husband allowed the change, albeit reluctantly, after many hard discussions and compromises.  Now…if you know my husband…you know that he is a “money-man” as I call him.  He is all about the Benjamin’s in the sense of, spend less, save more.  (not  in the sense of having tons of money)  We are definitely “that couple” that gets most frustrated with each other when it comes to spending or not spending money.  So the fact that he actually got on board with this significant pay cut was a miracle in and of itself and, you know, I JUMPED at it before he changed his mind.

Since then, money has been super tight.  Like REALLY super tight.  Not just because of the 37% cut in net salaries we, as a household, were bringing home each month.  And not JUST because of the freaking $730.00 ELECTRIC BILL that January brought us and the $450 one the month before.  But also because I, the wife, the mother, and the SOLE culprit in the inflicted reduction of wages coming into our house, STILL could not stop carelessly spending a few bucks here and a few bucks there on things we didn’t need, food that wasn’t necessary, and outings that could have been innings (??? Is innings even a thing other than in ball???)

I don’t tell you this to get you all mad at me for being dumb with money or seek opinions on how questionable my decisions have been.  I truly want to be transparent here.

Yesterday…the day that God all but slapped me on the head and said, “HEY LADY! I’M RIGHT HERE!!”

So as I was doing my bible study yesterday morning, reluctantly because I just was NOT feeling it, I get a text from my inordinately patient husband letting me know how much we had in our bank account to last us the whole week.  (it wasn’t much)  I responded saying, “ok.”  Now, I know my husband.  I know him probably better than any other human.  So it did not surprise me in the least when he responded with, “F*&king sucks”.  Please excuse the quote but…again…being transparent.

Where it didn’t surprise me, it certainly DID break my spirit.  It’s true what’s in Proverbs 17:22-“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength”.  I immediately got a turning pit in my stomach that stayed with me for most of the day.  I knew he was not happy.  I knew he was probably disappointed.  I knew that HIS spirit was crushed.  Therefore, no matter how many times I prayed over the next few hours, no matter how much of the bible I read, which is typically my go to pick-me-up these days, I could not get rid of the pit.  I wanted to make it better.  I wanted to lift his spirits.  I responded with “we will be ok”.  It was no shock when he didn’t respond to that because #1 – He was at work and doesn’t stare at his phone all day and #2 – Because those words ring silent on him.  He simply cannot emotionally rely on rhetoric, no matter how inspiring, to make him feel better.  He’s a MUST SEE IT TO BELIEVE IT man!  I then went on to explain all of the ways that I would immediately take action in an effort to try saving and possibly acquiring some more money…I would skip Emma’s archery scrimmage and let him go by himself to save gas, I would rapid file taxes instead of using our trusted accountant to get money quicker, even if it would cost more to do so (counter-productive suggestion, I know), I’d make a cheap, but BIG meal to last a few days, I’d try to sell my tread-mill that I impulsively spent WAY too much money on years ago only to have used it maybe as many times as God put a finger on my hands….My husband was still silent.  He was working and he just was not smelling anything that I was stepping in….

So.  I just kept praying.  I prayed, said Amen, then just talked to God.  Then prayed, said Amen, and just kept talking some more.  I prayed for the pit in my stomach to go away.  I prayed that Scott would experience an overwhelming peace that surpassed his understanding. (Philippians 4:7)  I prayed that God would take control of our finances and help in any way…although after that Amen, I then apologized to God for asking him to help with something such as that when I really didn’t deserve it.  (No one is really worthy of God’s gifts…one of the things that makes Him so awesome!)  Through it all….I still felt defeated.  I still had the pit.

My boss came in my office around lunch time, and then again around 3pm.  She just wanted to chat about this and that.  No agenda, just making conversation.  Well how many know I am NOT in the mood for surface level niceties when I am emotionally drained and discouraged!?  So, at first, during lunch, I was not making eye contact, using the sounds, “mmhmm” and “oohhh” to occupy my designated portion of the dialogue.  I concentrated on my food and my own self-pity.  However, at 3pm…when she came back, I thought to myself, alright God.  I’ve asked you for help and you keep sending this “chatty-cathy” in my office to fill the space of the silence with a whole bunch of jibber-jabber when all I wanna do is pout…so….I am going to listen and engage now.  For the next thirty minutes or so I did just that.  Hoping maybe God was going to use her to give me some insight on how to cut my utility bill in half, how to make big meals with little money, how to get rich tomorrow, or how to fit a camel through the eye of a needle! Well, that didn’t happen.  So, I chalked it up to me reading a little too much into a regular occurrence as if God was about to use her to take on a human form and bring me a bucket of cash!

4pm came and my boss decided we were slow enough that I could just head on home.  It’s a good thing she did because at 4:02pm I was a sobbing sally!!!  My husband had texted me a picture of his AS400 message screen with a caption that read, “The owner found out that I came in and worked on Saturday and sent this.  He found out about the other Saturdays also.”  The message that he took a picture of was from the owner asking their payroll dept to add a bonus to his check for something completely unexpected!  Something that he was just doing as due diligence, they decided to give him a little extra for!  Randomly and right on time!

…………….

I was walking out of the door to my car when I read it.  I promise on everything that I have that it was as if God, himself, was reading that message out loud to me.  It still gives me goosebumps just to type this.  I started sobbing so uncontrollably while looking at the sky, and then looking down to wipe my tears, looking back up, looking back down.  I LITERALLY could not catch my breath.  I couldn’t finish so much as a thought before sobbing again.  I’ve only ever had that feeling once in my life.  The night that my aunt Rhonda showed up in my dream and was an angel.  I awoke with the same feeling of joy, peace, sobs, and trying to find my breath!  It was God!  I drove to a friend’s house to share my story right away and I was just shaking and ugly crying all over that driveway!

All day.  All day I had prayed.  All day I had talked to God.  All day I felt defeated.  When God sent my boss into my office, He knew that I was not in the mood.  He knew that I would want to blow her off.  He sent her back to give me another shot at putting my faith in him.  So when I finally decided that God wanted me to listen, even though the conversation lead to nothing extraordinary, I confirmed my faith to God and He performed his miracle.  Many miracles performed in the bible follows this same series of events.  Ask…obey….pay attention…receive.  Do all of these in faith.  After all, prayer would be useless if you didn’t have faith in the one you were praying to.  Just the day before, at church, our pastor spoke on 2 Kings 5. The chapter explains how the prophet, Elisha told Naaman, who had leprosy, to go to the Jordan River and dip himself 7 times and he would be healed.  Naaman angrily thought how minuscule and pointless that stipulation was.  However, he did as he was told, eventually…after a bit of reluctance, and he was healed!  God wants you to affirm your faith in Him.  He also wants to grow your faith in Him.  Miracles and answered prayers aren’t just given for the answer itself or for the miracle itself.  They are given to be platforms for those who experience it and for those who hear it to see and know that God is real and he is mighty and He can do anything.  They are foundations for faith.

Also, how blessed we are that he works for such a giving, caring, high integrity company! They have been so good to my husband over the years! I’m betting they have no idea what an important role they have played in our lives and how God has used them.

Hand to God, no lie, the message that was sent to my husband from his employer was sent exactly 1 minute after my boss and I had that thirty minute “surface level”, unremarkable conversation…

The answer to your prayer isn’t always the answer YOU want.  It isn’t always an answer that is obvious at the time. But He answers.  You just have to stay aware.  Keep pressing into God. Stay sharp.  Asking God for help and then not paying attention to when He answers is like climbing to the top of a range of mountains and yelling R-I-C-O-L-A and not listening for the echo!  It’s madness!

When I finally got myself together enough to type…I responded to my husband and let him know how much I’ve been praying and how torn up I’ve been over it all.  I told him it was an answered prayer, to which he responded, it IS an answer.  My husband, who has never really acknowledged faith of any kind.  My husband, who calls Christian music “my weird music”.  My husband, who I’m pretty sure thought that God was Santa Claus’s neighbor.  My husband, the MUST SEE IT TO BELIEVE IT man… picked up the largest bread crumb that I’ve ever seen God place in someone’s path.  What an amazing day.  I am so humbled and so blessed and so thankful that God reaffirmed my faith in such an obvious and specific way.  I am even more thankful that He has called me to share this story not only with my close friends and family but to anyone who will listen so that their faith can grow and, maybe for some, even be restored.

When you know it’s Him, you just know.

More helpful scriptures:  Matthew 7:7-11 ; Philippians 4:6-7 ; James 5:13-15 ; John 14:13-14

Bye for now,

RR

#MeToo

A relative.

A friend’s dad.

A man that I babysat for.

I’m going to be real with you.  When this whole #MeToo thing first came out, I did not let it encourage me at all.  I thought it was shining a spotlight on what most of us wanted to keep in the dark and the fact that others brought it to light did not make me want to follow suit.

#MeToo, if you aren’t aware, is trending due to celebrities finally coming forward with their truths’ about sexual assault-whether it be exploitation, abuse, harassment, misconduct etc.  It’s spreading rampantly.

Sexual assault can include rape, attempted rape, sexual coercion, incest, fondling or unwanted touching, as well as verbal or visual assault such as peeping, harassment, exhibitionism, or forcing someone to pose for sexual photos.

I visit the news sites daily and I just keep seeing more and more articles and stories about more people coming forward. Still, had no interest in joining in the conversation.

Well, today…..I had an epiphany.

You see, if you don’t know this about me already, I am an idealist.  I can dream up anything and pretty much reason and argue with you about how it explains the world!  (some call it naive! J)  I think about anything and everything and conclude that “everything happens for a reason”.  There is something positive that comes out of every negative.  That’s my mantra.  However, this…..I never could link to something positive so I just kind of pushed it away and left it ignored.  If I can’t explain it, I don’t want to try, kind of thing.

So, back to my epiphany….I read today, on one of the many sites covering the #MeToo, more than half of women have been or will be a victim of some type of sexual assault in their lifetime.  However, after seeing so many post #MeToo on their social media accounts as well as the stories online, I’m thinking it’s likely MUCH more than half.  Then I realized the positive for the negative.  I have two daughters….the likelihood of one or both of them being subjected so something like this or entering into a situation that leads to something like this is pretty high.  I felt, and still feel, like someone punched me in the stomach.  The “purpose” of the negative is to teach my daughters.  I do NOT want my kids to be victims!  I do NOT want them to be silenced or to silence themselves! These are my babies! My sweet, NAIVE, babies!  So….”Momma Mode”!  Much to my disliking and discomfort, this time, in order to teach them and do my part in protecting them, it means that I have to be vulnerable and get all that “stuff” out of the dark hole that I have housed it in and shine a light on it.  A big, fat, ugly, necessary light.

So…brief history…. (Just to be clear, I was never raped.  However, it doesn’t make what happened less important or any type of OK. I know that now.)

A relative.  (From ages ?-14) No matter how I went in for the welcome hug…or even if I tried to avoid it all together, he always found a way to turn me around, criss-cross his arms around my chest, and squeeze on both sides.  I tried the side hug, a high five, even a simple wave….nothing worked.  It eventually turned into random anytime hugs.  Unwelcome, unsolicited, terrible hugs.  It wasn’t until I watched him do it to my best friend that I finally spoke up.

A friend’s dad.  (From ages 12-14) They had a pool, I liked to swim.  Whether it be adjusting my strap or “accidentally” unzipping my cover….it was always a “whoops, sorry about that”.  I stopped swimming there eventually.

A man that I babysat for.  (I was 14)  This was one of the scariest times of my life, to date.  I don’t know about you, but my mom wouldn’t let me spend the night anywhere or really go to anyone’s house to play/hang out unless she met the parents and had their numbers.  Most parents do the same…I know I do.  But one of the few times parents don’t think to enforce the same rules, is when your child is getting paid to babysit.  I know I never would have imagined what happened to have even a slight chance of happening.  My friend, his neighbor, babysat for him all the time.  I really didn’t even think it was weird that he asked her if any of her friends wanted to babysit instead so that he could “grow their backups list”.  Lastly, I had no clue he was hiring me to babysit so that he could be in the same house, just not have to worry with the kids.  I probably would have said no.  Or would I have?  Even THAT didn’t clue me in.  I cannot tell you how many times I prayed that his wife would come home or that someone would come over or that the time I was getting paid for would hurry up and pass. I knew he shouldn’t have been sitting so close and that it wasn’t OK that he was rubbing my back and arm and leg.  No matter how many times he said it was.  I was lucky that it didn’t go further than it did.  I really feared that it would.  I called my brother, early, to come get me.  The ten minutes it took him to get to me felt like ten hours.  I think I held my breath the whole time.

So….below you will find the reasons that I either stayed quiet or dulled it down for the ones I talked to:

1. I feared retaliation and tension for when I saw him again. I knew I would have to see him again.
2. I feared that maybe I was mistaken. Maybe I took it the wrong way…maybe it was an accident?
3. I feared it wasn’t “normal” to talk about.  Nobody else was talking about it….
4. I feared not being believed. Who would believe a kid?
5. I feared losing my friend(s).
6. I feared embarrassment and becoming a source of gossip.
7. I feared my relationships with my friends and family that knew would change in an awkward way.
8. I feared that I’d be blamed somehow. I’ve always been susceptible to manipulation.
9. I feared unwanted attention or coming across as WANTING attention.
10. I feared it wasn’t a “big deal”. After all, my mom had it worse when she was younger….maybe I’d be deemed “too sensitive” and maybe I needed “thicker skin”.  Even though I knew, deep down, my mom would NEVER make me feel that way.

Y’all….my mom never influenced these fears….it’s not like, because of my upbringing, I feared these things.  My mom was wonderful! Yet, here were all these worries and stressors and terrors out of nowhere!  My raising did not instill these fears in me.  The minute I was forced into undeserved, unsolicited, unwelcoming sexualized situations as a child, was the minute I learned what I was afraid of.

So conclusively… I can dissect these details even further and set forth a plan to educate and guide my kids to be a little less silent and a little more confident in themselves.

OR….AND

I can share with them, in an age appropriate way, my story, my real life thoughts and fears, and my truth so that they can hopefully grow from my past experiences so that they never, hopefully, have to have their own.  But…if they DO have their own, they can possess the wisdom to take a stand and to speak up and out!

Old habits die hard but, maybe, by the time they have their own kids, I won’t be so hesitant in saying #MeToo!

Today, I’m replacing my shame for confidence to not be silenced or silence myself.  I replace my regrets with never turning a blind eye when I feel it happening to others around me.  And I replace my fear with a promise to do my part in protecting my daughters not only from being 1 in 2, but also from letting their own fears play a part in in happening to someone else.

#MeToo means you’re not alone.  Remember that!  Find the positive…educate the future not only so they will be wiser, but so that we can take part in the movement to reduce those terrible statistics and stand up so that everyone knows It’s NOT OK!

Bye for now,

RR

Bullying: The Epidemic

One question I hear a lot when on the topic of bullying related suicide, “What’s the big difference between now and when we were kids?  Bullying didn’t seem like it was a leading cause of suicide ‘back in the day’.”  Honestly, I, myself, have wondered this at times.  As you have probably  noticed, bullying DOES seem more like an epidemic than a “common childhood experience” nowadays.  Let’s explore, what I believe, the biggest differences between now and, say, 20 years ago…

1. Reduction in proclaimed Christians…. I’m not saying that no Christian would resort to suicide.  I’m not saying that no Christian would bully.  What I AM saying is that there has been a significant drop (-19% according to Gallup) in the number of proclaimed Christians between 1987 and 2017.  During that same span, bullying related suicides jumped 50%.  Perhaps they are related, perhaps they aren’t.
2. Social Media Boom – Literally every day that goes by, social media grows bigger and bigger.  I’m not sure people even know how to think for themselves anymore because of how much weight and trust goes into their social media addictions.  While social media can be a great way to keep up with old friends and family, more often than not it is a devil’s playground and can cause a negative impact in someones life.  ESPECIALLY if that person is vulnerable and already in a bad head space.
3. Media obsession? – Think about it…do you recall constantly hearing about studies or stats 20-30 years ago?  Was there ANY media attention on bullying related suicides?  There was a time that news stations and paper companies would be fined or taken off the air for covering suicides.  Now the loosely interpreted “freedom of speech-freedom of the press” act is bent in all sorts of ways, whatever benefits the defender, so “all is fair”!  And, unfortunately, it’s a leading topic for the vultchers!
4. Hollywood attention – The attention that is placed on celebrity suicides and on celebrity support of “small town” suicides is sure to be playing a role in today’s youth.  We’ve already mentioned the vulnerability surrounding social media goers-this just adds to it when it’s all you see when you scroll through your feed. To some, it portrays a dark sense of glory and fame. Especially when it’s celebrated as a heroic event…blows my mind.
5. The Rise of the Millennials – This will probably be a movie title one day.  I’m not just referring to the entitled millennials themselves.  I’m referring to the rise of the generation.  Parents of millennials-constantly either babying their child with participation trophies which causes a life shock when they realize that they don’t get awarded for merely EXISTING in the workforce, putting their kids in front of an electronic device or twenty so that they can not be bothered when trying to “stay young”, and entertaining their mood swings and attitude explosions as “unique personality characteristics” instead of whooping their kids tails and enforcing their understanding of the reality that YOU are the PARENT!  I’m also referring to the hormones that take over our children at much younger ages now than it did a couple of decades ago.  Studies show it a result of the changes in hormones injected into the meat and the vegetables that we consume.  Whatever the reason, it’s creating an issue!

We’ve established it’s a growing epidemic.  So…what can we do, as parents, for our children?

Tips to help your child fend off bullies:

1. Pray with them & FOR them.  This will always be my number 1 tip.  There is power in prayer, I fully believe that.  Don’t omit this just because it you don’t have control over the result.  Embrace the relinquish of control while you talk to God with and about your child.  Get your child in the habit of this so that he/she starts talking to God, even when you aren’t around. Read them scriptures such as Matthew 5:44-“But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” and Romans 12:17-“Repay no one for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all”. Tell them the story of David and Goliath.
2. Encourage and nourish your child’s sense of humor.  Don’t misunderstand this to mean that if you keep your wits about you that you won’t be bullied or that the bullied must have thin skin…that’s not what I mean at all.  I just mean that if you tell jokes to each other and lighten the mood from time to time with fun sarcasm and laughs, it could possibly help them to not be an “easy” target by teaching them to find humor in things when possible and respond with humor instead of harshness.
3. Keep them engaged!  Attend social functions regularly.  Encourage them to join groups or gatherings with peers.  The more positive peers that they surround themselves with and interact with, the less weight they’ll bear on the opinion of sheep.  Plus they’ll have positive support when they have bad days.
4. Talk to them every day.  One thing you always hear parents of kids who committed suicide say is that they wish they’d have paid closer attention.  Don’t have that regret.  Get to know them and always invest in your relationship with them.  Keep your dialog open and non biased—meaning don’t sugar coat everything and take your kid’s side about things just because they are your “pwecious wittle angel”.  They will respect your opinion more if you will just be real with them. (age appropriately of course) You’ll run a much better chance of them confiding in you about things if you do this.
5. Remind them of all of their older, positive influences that they have in their corner…not just you or your co-parent….but maybe an older sibling, cousin, favorite aunt, favorite teacher, youth pastor, etc.  Keep names fresh in their minds so that, if ever they DON’T feel comfortable telling you about something, for whatever reason, they know who else they can talk to.

Now….here’s the one no one wants to talk about….

How to stop your child from bullying someone else:

1. Again, pray with and FOR your child.  Do this daily.  I promise you, if you ensure this is a routine action and not just an on-occurrence effort, your child’s conscience will not allow him/her to be a habitual bully.  Recite verses that may help in the way of making good decisions such as 2 Timothy 1:7-“For God gave  us a spirit not of fear but of power, love, and self-control” and Ephesians 4:29-“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”.  Then there’s always the go to-Treat others how you want to be treated from Luke 6.
2. LEAD BY EXAMPLE….I repeat…LEAD BY EXAMPLE.  If you go off at the mouth about people, to people, or even to yourself, get violent and portray yourself as a bully, DO NOT be surprised when you find out that your kid is one.  You have to work on yourself and be conscious of what kind of person your kid is being raised by!  Grow up!  Be an adult!  Be a Parent!  There’s this song called “Walk a Little Straighter Daddy” that I just love because words that follow the title lyrics are “You’re Leading Me”…The sentence, together, is so very powerful and so very true.  In addition, no one’s perfect.  We are going to mess up.  But how do you amend your mistakes?  Yes, even as parents, sometimes we have to apologize and show our children that imperfection is inevitable, but being a good person and rectifying things, that’s 100% possible, 100% honorable, and 100% up to us.
3. Stay involved.  You know your child and you can tell if you child is being a bully.  Listen to the stories they tell you and even the ones they tell their friends.  Most bullies gloat.  Just listen.  Talk to the teachers.  Don’t put up your “parent” guns and shield when they are telling you that your child has done wrong.  It’s their job to keep you in the loop so don’t shoot the messenger just because negative words about your child come out of their mouths.  Yes, even your sweet angel is capable of bullying.  If someone is making you aware, be thankful, and handle it!  Furthermore, don’t just whoop the child and be done….whoop them, ground them, whatever, and then follow up constantly…if it’s a continuous issue, seek advice and maybe even consider therapy.
4. Be present and keep your child present.  Don’t let them waste the day away watching TV, playing electronics, or browsing social media…turn it off, disconnect the batteries….play a board game….have a conversation.  Be present and, again, set the example.
5. Seek out the positive influences.  Make a conscious effort to surround yourself and your child with them.  Maybe even have a talk with an event leader or a youth pastor about the issues so that they are aware and can cater some of their conversations around the issues.  Don’t be afraid to ask a help.  It takes a village to raise a child.

So…now we’ve talked about how to help your kid/kids…what about you? What about me?

How to keep our own selves in check:

1. Pray.  It never gets old.  It really doesn’t.  When you have that intimate relationship with God that prayer builds it really becomes a go-to solution.  Jesus was perfect….we are not.  That is well known.  However, don’t fall victim to that fact and chalk your sins up to circumstance…pray that you will be more like Christ.  Pray for your heart, your mind, and your tongue every day.  Ask for forgiveness when you slip up, start each day with a clean slate!
2. Please Please PLEASE stay off of social media sites like SARAHAH and, in some cases, even some Facebook groups.  Don’t intentionally place yourself in a situation that opens yourself up, in a naked, vulnerable way, to be bullied.  There is enough unsolicited cyber bullying going on, we should not be creating more open spaces for it.  If you care THAT much what an anonymous person thinks about you, we have a problem.  If it’s self improvement you are looking for, start by NOT opening yourself up to a site like that.
3. Surround yourself with like-minded people.  Block out the negative.  It isn’t rude of you to not hang out with someone who brings you down.  It’s OK to not be friends with everyone.  Keep your circle small.  I have a friend that says she doesn’t even have a small circle of friends…she has a DOT.  And that’s OK!  When you find the ones who help you to be the best you, don’t poison that by adding Negative Nancy’s that could, potentially, tear your whole circle apart.
4. Stop the GOSSIP!  Good gracious just quit it!  You don’t have to verbalize everything that comes to your mind nor everything that you hear.  SHHH.  Gossip is one of the worst forms of verbal bullying and it goes both ways…to gossip about someone is bullying them.  By the same token, to gossip about someone is potentially opening yourself up to be bullied when the subject of your talk calls you out on it and you don’t have a leg to stand on…Just stop it! It’s rude, it’s unbecoming, it’s unfair, and not only should you not do it…but you shouldn’t listen to it!
5. Stop being so hard on yourself.  Everyone that knows me knows that I am, by far, my own worst critic.  I’m sure a lot of you are the same.  But we gotta stop beating ourselves up.  Our minds can be our worst enemy and it’s crazy because…why fight with ourselves?  Invest in your own joy and focus on growing it!  Have you ever met a bully who was a joyful person?

Some alarming statistics, if you’ve never researched the growing issue:

• 2015 CDC WISQARS shows that suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death in ages 10-24.  How many guesses to what the leading sited reason for the suicides are in this age group?
• In the book Misrepresenting Jesus by Edward D. Andrews, it states that a mere SIX percent of America’s college professors proclaim that the Bible is the Word of God.  SIX PERCENT!  You cannot tell me that we are not growing up in a biased culture.
• Bigthink.com reports that 90% of the news in papers and on television is negative because THAT is what Americans pay the most attention to.  (remember when we talked about media coverage on suicides?)
• Coldcasechristianity.com sites that 70% of teenagers involved in church youth groups stop attending church within two years of their high school graduation.  My opinion-Are we not adopting ways to capture them as young adults OR are we not doing a good job with them as children  OR…MAYBE…it’s the church?
• Jason Foundation studies show that more teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease COMBINED.

We’ve got to come together and improve upon humanity.  It’s really up to God and up to us.  No church, no government, no law is going to change this vicious cycle.  We have got to get back to God and start supporting one another more.  As parents, as children, as humans, we have the power to change it.  Instead, we are blaming each other, spreading hate, rioting, deflecting, and failing.  When is enough enough?

If you do have thoughts of suicide or or start to in the future and don’t feel like you have anyone you can talk to….please call the number below, their focus is you!

1-800-273-8255

Bye for now,

RR

 

Letters to Me: Part 1 of 3

Dear Younger Me:

There are no such things as unicorns or talking fairies.  There are no storybook endings or prince charmings riding in on white horses.  You’re mind will change, countless times, pertaining to what you want to be when you grow up and you’ll wind up in a career you didn’t even know existed, much less aspired to be.  A hundred bucks does NOT go a long way.  Pimples don’t STOP forming just because you’re older.  You won’t have as many kids as you want.  You’ll be divorced by the time you are 22 and have a child in a split home.  You won’t really have a relationship with your father whom you used to look up to.  You won’t even remember your closest friends’ names from when you were 10, despite all of those BEST FRIENDS FOREVER claims.

Though there is so much that turns out not to go to plan, there is so much more that makes your life full and wonderful.  Your cup WILL runneth over…it’s just a different kind of cup than you once dreamed.

You will find two of the most amazing men to be the fathers’ of your children.  No…you aren’t a polygamist…It’s just that the high school sweetheart you could not wait to marry wound up being someone you are far better friends with than married to.  Your forever husband was waiting for you just a few zip codes over…He will adore you and you will be head over heels for him! (He’s really cute too! :))

Even though you have to have a hysterectomy at 29, preventing you from having that football team of children, the two beautiful daughters that you WILL have will keep you MORE than busy and your heart will be full to the max with love for them.

All of those days you thought you just could not stand your mom and you were just sure that she hated you…those days are barely even thought about…merely laughed at!  Your Momma becomes one of your closest confidants and your biggest fan.  She has your back through EVERYTHING!

Your brothers that you couldn’t go 6 syllables without having a basic knock down, drag out with become some of the best friends you’ll ever have.  Your sister in law who you were sure was way too good to be friends with you, winds up being your best friend in life, even though you are still sure she is too good for you…you just hope she never realizes it!

The relationship you have with God changes often.  Sometimes the fire dims, though it never goes out.  It’s just that there are times you let the winds and storms of your life get too close to the fire.  Don’t worry, it always grows back, just in different colors and at unexpected times….but with STRONGER coals.  You find out that God doesn’t care if you mark yourself with a certain religion.  He doesn’t care how closely you align yourself with a pastor.  He doesn’t weigh your worth dependent upon how much you’ve tithed, how obedient you’ve been to the people of the church, how little or much you curse, or how often you are in a man made church.  He simply asks that you accept him into your heart as your savior, don’t deny him, be obedient to HIM, and follow Him.  That’s all!  It’s really an awesome and simple gift that he gives to you.  It’s not complicated so try not to make it be.

Your life will become something completely different than what you think.  You cannot even imagine what each day will bring until it’s been brought.  But that’s one of the best things about your life…it’s little surprises.  You learn to appreciate each turn, each trial, each tragedy, each heartbreak….because the experience of it all, especially the steps you take to get through it and come out the other side…it shapes the person that God created you to be!!!!

There are definitely sad days and happy, good days and bad, even some depression up ahead…but God made you and Momma raised you to face this life with faith, positivity, and perseverance.  So far, it’s done you good!

Want my advice?  Don’t second guess your choices or your intuition.  Don’t change anything.  You’re in for a ride-find the fun in it and keep smiling!

Dear Attention Seeking Social Media Drama Addict(s),

Public disclaimer-this won’t be a sugar coated blog and may come off harsh.  There will be no fun photos this time! 🙂

Day after Day after Week after Week…there’s always at LEAST one in every crowd.  I’d like to preface the below content with this, before I get started….I am fully aware that if I don’t like someone or something that someone is putting out there on social media, I can simply unfriend, unfollow, hex, etc. said person from my feed.  That’s not what this is about.  I’m not only trying to save myself from this idiocracy, I’m trying to save the world here!  As most know, I’m all about some world peace…this is just an attempt to save everyone from the annoyance that is passive aggressive, attention seeking, drama queen-itis that so many apparently suffer from in this age of social media land.  It’s a pretty good stop towards world peace, don’t ya think?

That being said…

Dear Attention Seeking Social Media Drama Addict(s),

There are a million reasons you should stop/seek help/quit it!… However, let’s focus on the top 3, shall we?

Reasons why you DON’T leave passive aggressive or BEGGING for attention statuses on  your Social Media accounts:

1. You are setting yourself up for major disappointment.  Why do you do this to yourself?  Sure you’ll have the select few that will feed into your pettiness now and then (and YOU! I will get to YOU later!).  But no matter who feeds into it or how many feed into it….you will NEVER get what you are looking for.  There will ALWAYS be PLENTY who ignore your “OMG FML I want to die, what am I going to do?” posts.  Among the plenty will be several that you are actually hoping will ask you what is wrong.  They won’t ask you who made you mad, they won’t ask you where you are when you simply say, “it sucks here”and they won’t ask you what happened.  It may be because they haven’t seen your post or it may be because they are simply immune to the pleas for attention at this point.  Either way, you won’t be satisfied, you WILL be disappointed, and it WILL, obviously, add to your already terrible for whatever reason kinda day! Stop it!
2. You are attracting the wrong type of friends.  You don’t need the type of friends that are enablers to your antics.  Enablers are not friends that you should seek out and are not friends that you should grow closer with.  I almost judge the enablers more than I do the attention whores….I know I know…I shouldn’t judge!  It’s real hard sometimes not to!  You are obviously in a place in your life where you are struggling.  I will give you that….in what type of way, only you know, but it’s counter-productive of you to seek help from random folks online who don’t know any better but to egg you on.  Quit it!
3. You are NOT attracting the RIGHT type of friends.  What everyone needs are some honest, fairly blunt, tell you like it is type of friends.  MATURE friends is what I call them.  Straight shooters….their mere presence in your life will teach you to say what you need to say and not to barely halfway kinda say it but not really say it.  They will also pay you ZERO attention when you are being ridiculous and seeking it out.  They WILL, however, give you advice when you call them and tell them your freaking issue!  Even if their advice is to “suck it up buttercup”.  It’s still mature advice, sometimes! 🙂 When you don’t attract the right type of friends, you are digging yourself into an even bigger poor pitiful me hole than you were in before! GET OUT!

Chances are there is 1 of 3 reasons you are acting like this:

1. Boredom—in which case, read a book, fly a kite, learn to knit, make a mud pie.  SOMETHING.
2. You need to feel important—instead, do something great! Work towards a Nobel Peace Prize instead of getting 14 likes on Facebook in 10 minutes because of your newly created and mysterious #worstfreakingdayofmylifeeverlikeever.
3. You are having a pity party— I get it…to an extent.  Everyone has them from time to time.  Everyone is entitled to such and, honestly, everyone NEEDS a SELF pity party now and then.  However…going back to my #1 reason up there that folks do it….you aren’t helping anything by half way airing out your dirty laundry, by creating an illusion, whether true or false, of your potential onset of depression using an outlet that MOST seek out for bullying purposes.  You won’t get what it is you are looking for, you’ll PROBABLY get the opposite, so STOP setting yourself up for that anticlimactic letdown from the post you thought FOR SURE would get some traffic!!!  Have your pity party and then get out your positive thought for the day toilet paper and force that frown upside down!!

Now…for the self proclaimed well-intended enablers out there…instead of saying, “omg what’s wrong?” or “what happened?” or “who should I kill for you?”….how’s about you pick up the phone, call your friend, get him/her out of the pity-party hole that they are in long enough to answer the phone, and tell your friend to QUIT IT!  To either ask advice specifying details or don’t…..no one can help someone who simply says, “omg my life is over what am I going to do?”.  Be a good friend by slapping them upside the head one good time and tell them to get their big girl panties on and deal with it! Or at LEAST, if NOTHING else, USE SPECIFICS!  Anyone who has ever written any type of anything ever, whether for school, work, or leisure, knows…the more detail the better!  If you can’t look at it any other way, look at it like you are trying to get an A in literature!

Lastly, if you are truly needing help, cannot get out of your depression, or even contemplating suicide, PLEASE do not seek help on social media…Program this number in your phone and get the help that you deserve.  Suicide Hotline-1-800-273-8255

Like I said, this isn’t necessarily a kind blog and may not even be helpful.  But I feel better! 🙂

Carry on!

Bye for now,

RR

How to Have the Best Summer Ever! For Tired Momma’s

So, I know that summer is half way over.  My bad!  Where has the time gone!?

Some of you suggested that, for this blog, I give advice on how a busy mom can get through her summer without losing her mind!  Well….I haven’t lost mine yet so let’s see if I can help!

The way I grew up, and the way my kids are growing up, Momma and Daddy still gotta work even though the little ones are out of school! (By the way….why is the minimum working age so high….I think these little tax deductions ought to start pulling their weight even more financially at this point!  They are 11 and 7 now….they have some skills!…)  So it’s really hard, as working parents, to make lasting summer memories and ensure your kids have a good break before they go back to school!  Now me….if I could just like…SLEEP for 9 weeks, I’d have the best break ever….but kids, for some reason, do not wish to sleep!  They wish to have fun and not be bored or else they are the biggest whiners, complainers, and ingrates ever!!!  High maintenance, I say!  Nonetheless, as mothers, we do wish to make their summer great all while not getting fired from our jobs due to attendance and not breaking our bank account!  Here are Rachael’s tips for saving your summer:

1. MAKE A LIST!

Get the kids involved.  They LOVE this part…the planning!  Now, I’m not a planner so when I say “planning” what I mean is, just get a hit list together of things that you can, realistically, do during summer break.  Make categories…Paid outings-google things to do around where you live, research where you want to spend your memorial weekend and fourth of July holiday, look for discounts on family memberships to museums and such…Non paid things to do- list parks, find “kids eat free” days at restaurants, get on that Pinterest account that you created and write down the fun DIY projects and games that you saved, and then, as fill-in’s, list out different games you all like to play but don’t get much chance to.  Make sure you allow the kids’ input because that really gets them excited!  Then, of course, there will be the sporadic, sometimes impromptu family and/or friend gatherings.  Leave room for the potential for those too!

 

2. DON’T JAM PACK YOUR WEEKENDS!

Just because you could probably go to the zoo, and the park, and the movies, and their favorite restaurant all in one day, does not mean that you should.  You start putting yourself on a strict time schedule so that you can get 4-5 things crossed off your list in the same day, not only are you quickly losing your “things to do” options but you are also wearing yourself, and your children, OUT!  If you pack your days full of STUFF, everyone will feel the tension when things are running behind or GOD FORBID it starts raining.  If the kids feel it, then they’ll start arguing.  Or if THEY are tired, they’ll just be grumpy butts which will, in turn, make you MOMMA grumpy butt!  This is why you have a few different categories listed in your Hit List…pick one that costs money, then pick one that does not.  That’s all…no more til next weekend!  You want QUALITY outings where you can actually NOT rush nor BE rushed, you can really STOP AND SMELL THOSE ROSES, and your kids will thank you for it!

 

3. DO NOT…I repeat…DO NOT spoil your child because “it’s summer and we’re all having fun”!!!!

Do not let your child run over you, get to make every decision, never hear the word no!!! In fact, just to make sure everyone is staying kosher and no one starts to forget , smack them on the rear every once in a while for no reason just to keep them on their toes and remind them who momma is!  If they are arguing or disobeying or just being plain brats, cancel your outing!  If it’s just one being bad-make he/she watch as the rest of you have fun.  Don’t do what I do all.the.time. and let your own guilt of your shortcomings adjust how you parent….you are the mom…they are the child.  End of story!  Just because you are trying to be fun mom doesn’t mean you won’t be whoop that tail mom if you need to be!  And they need to know that!

 

4. Invite friends with kids!

I don’t know about you, but nothing is more fun, to me, than getting with my other mom friends and let our kids play together while we talk smack about our adorable little angel/devils! With taste, of course!  I wouldn’t “gossip” about them, per say, but I do so enjoy getting nods and hollers of affirmation from my friends when I tell them that I hid in my bathroom and ate ALL of the rest of the banana pudding ice cream because it’s freaking mine and them brats already ate all of the cookie dough!  When you ask your friend if she ever feels like she may be raising the next Hitler because your daughter is literally the bossiest child on the face of the planet to both other kids and to her own stuffed animals….and your friend says that it shows mad leadership skills and hers could be Hitler’s right hand man….it totally validates your crazy thoughts and softens your frustration!  Don’t be afraid to have “grown up” time while your kiddos play hide and go seek!

 

5. Lastly, DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP!

If you are just plain tired and don’t want to do stuff, then don’t.  If you have been invited to 2 family functions on a day when you are just feeling like straight dog barf…don’t go!  Be honest with them…”Sorry, not coming. Feel like dog barf”. Even if you have folks in the family or in your group of friends that may try to guilt you into coming, they’ll be aight.  Turn your phone on silent, take some Benadryl, and go to sleep!  (Don’t be afraid to slip some melatonin to the kids if you need an early bed time either….the recommended dosage, of course! J)  Here’s the summer definition of crazy—wearing yourself out and then feeling like a bad human when you need a break.  Also-DO NOT compare yourself, your outings, your family, and YOUR summer closely to someone else’s Facebook version of their perfect summer!  I can guarantee you theirs hasn’t been half as AWESOME has they will make it out to be!  They probably got poison ivy at that camp sight, got bitten by all the fire ants they didn’t see when they were taking that obnoxious selfie at that Indian Village,  got lobster fried and chapped at that janky water park, and haven’t spoken to each other in 4 days! Just sayin’!

Now go!!  Be off!! Finish this last half of summer with these tips in mind.  If it starts to not go your way….start over!  Stop being a sissy la-la! Life’s what you make it! (Thank YOU Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus/Crazy Psyco Lady)

Below is a link for my Pinterest DIY board…there are a few ideas on there if you need a starting point.

Bye for now,

RR

I used to be “THAT girl”…but I’m happy with THIS girl!

I recently attended the famous Memphis in May BBQ Fest with one of my closest friends.  We walked a lot and talked a lot…mostly about if and why we were and were not happy with our bodies.  That’s an easy topic to get on when you are surrounded with 16-50 something year old women who look freaking “fantastic” walking around with guys whistling their ways.  I didn’t get a whistle and neither did she.  We USED to get whistles 🙂 Among this and other reasons, a woman does start to doubt herself, to lose self esteem, and just get sad.  But I did not!  In fact, it inspired this blog so I’m SUPER excited I went!!!

You see, I used to be “THAT girl”.     That girl that got the looks, that got the whistles, the hoots and hollers….The girl that could take an hour to get ready and folks thought she took several…the girls folks said resembled movie stars or the one they said they “seen in their dreams”… I had a high metabolism, ate whatever I want and never exercised.  I was THAT girl….

But now…I’m THIS girl!    I’m the girl who’s a bit overweight, un-apologetically.  The girl who had a hysterectomy and gained a whole new body.  I’m the girl who, for 30 years, knew myself one way and now is getting used to the NEW me!  This is why it’s OK!…These amazing people right here….

I just want to take some time to give you my top 5 reasons that I love being NEW ME!

1. Individuality- Not everyone changes.  There are some that stay the “IT” girl for most of their lives and that’s GREAT!  That’s THEIR unique selves.  I changed but I am so happy with who I am and what I have to work with!  I always get on this spill and I’m GONNA AGAIN….society conditioned us to what our perception is of beautiful, of attractive, of what we “should” be.  That is not what God sees, that is not what the ones who matter most see and that is not what should be seen.  If you reflect on why you think that smaller legs, a tighter stomach, and a thinner neck would make you happy, chances are you will find that it isn’t because you’re HEALTHY or you’re the best you that you can be…it’s because that’s what gets on magazine covers, that’s what makes it big in Hollywood and in most cases, that’s what snobby mean girls tell you!  It isn’t truth and it isn’t going to make you happy.  I welcome and embrace my individuality and I think that I am beautiful inside and out because that’s how God made me!
2. My Family is Happy-I talk to my husband often about myself.  Not in a conceded way but in a “I wanna make sure you’re happy” way.  Whether it’s things i’m doing or not doing at home. how i’m treating him, how I treat our children, and, YES, how I look.  If my husband is frustrated or unhappy with something, I commit to him to discuss it and change it so that we are stay strong.  He isn’t a “typical guy”.  He isn’t the guy that says, “if you gain weight, we have a problem”.  I haven’t seen one change in him or our relationship in the past 40 pounds!  Which is great for me obviously! 🙂 My kids tell me almost every day that I look beautiful, whether I’m wearing make up or not.  They love when I spend time with them and they love when I’m in an “I love me” type of mood because that positive energy pours out of me into them!
3. I’m not hungry- I’m not going to be the person that starves herself to offset the drastic shift in her metabolism.  I’m going to eat, in as much moderation as my will-power allows, and I’m happy about that!  I want to be healthy, not thin!
4. I’m happy-I have read, heard, and seen cases where, yeah, the chick may be a knock-out, but her self esteem is lower than you can imagine, she seeks acceptance with men who treat her like dirt, and she takes anything and everything she can find in her medicine cabinet to curve her appetite.  That’s not healthy and that’s not safe.  If you start searching for your happy in men, medicine, and friends who aren’t real friends, you’re going to have a lot more in life to worry about than if your size 3 jeans fit!
5. Finally-God-God is really number one in my life.  Before me, before my husband, before my kids, my friends, and even before any of these tips listed.  I only listed at the end because I want to ensure that one of the last things you read here, is the most important and the biggest tip to take away.  God never said thin is beautiful.  God never said to find your beauty in what others think of you.  God never said that your body has anything to do what what He finds beautiful.  Nope…in fact, here’s what God said…

1 Peter-Beauty should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God’s sight.

2 Corinthians-though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

Psalm 34-Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.

And finally one of my most favorites…

Psalm 139:14- I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, and I know that full well.

Having cited these, I do not think that we should not try to look “our best”.  I don’t shy away from makeup, new clothes, or great shoes….what I DO shy away from is downing myself, ridiculing myself or letting the things that society has put in my brain take away from my self esteem and my true belief that God has made me exactly how I should be and that is absolutely beautiful.

I strongly encourage you to make a daily, conscious, EXTREMELY intentional effort to work on being healthy…but also work harder on being a beautiful person on the inside versus being Cosmo magazine’s version of beautiful on the outside!

Bye for now,

RR

Co-Parenting…Against the Odds!

    Sometimes, it doesn’t work out.  For a multitude of reasons, it just doesn’t.  However sinful, however shameful, however unaccepted it may be, sometimes it just doesn’t.  So then, we find ourselves in a predicament.  Among the statistic that hovers over us, what do we do now?  We have a baby, but we don’t have a marriage.  We have a child but we don’t have a home.

Just a small back story on me, for some reason, I always thought I’d be a divorced mother of two.  Highly likely because that’s what my mom was for a long time.  She did the best she could with what she had as my dad wasn’t always around.  I knew I’d never succumb to the statistic.  To the “norm”.

So when I found myself 22, divorced, with a child….I went into what I like to call, “my survival years”.  Just doing what I can to get by while not knowing what in the world I was doing.  Unfortunately, they were also my, “have the fun young mothers don’t get to have” years.  Luckily, though, they didn’t last more than a year or so.  Then I met my, now, husband.  We fell in love, got married, had a baby, all the works…  But I still had an ex.  I still had my first child’s father.  We were civil, but we weren’t “one”.  Who is?  Who really has a close relationship with their ex?  Their baby’s daddy?  Their co-parent?  I didn’t, for a while.  But I wanted one.  I longed for one.  I knew I would have one!

It took a bit for my, now, husband to get on board.  He thought it was super weird that I wanted to attend my ex’s family holidays, family functions, etc.  However, it didn’t take long before he was up for it.  He knew, coming from a “complete family home” that it was beneficial.  So we put a 150% conscious, intentional effort into “befriending” my ex and his wife.  At the same time, coincidentally, my ex and his wife did the exact same thing!  It was ON after that!!!  We were, and still are, defying the odds.  We have lunches, we partner together for the holidays, we pray for each other, we communicate weekly with each other, we truly LOVE each other!

Something happened, when the four of us put ego’s and “normals” and statistics aside.  Something about when four parents of one child pray with each other and for each other, respect each other, love each other, and commit to HELPING each other raise a child…..it creates this incredible force that NOTHING and NO ONE can infiltrate or defeat.  It’s surreal, at times, the magnitude of our relationships.  Our common goal is the child, but, in finding that, we found such an admiration for one another and a longing desire to help each other succeed that we truly become close friends in the process.

How amazing is that!?!  It’s so much more fulfilling and beautiful for everyone involved to look for ways to love than for ways to hate.  Grudges and resentment hurt you and hurt the child. Allow yourself to forgive and move forward! Forgive others and forgive yourself! The enemy seeks to steal, kill, and destroy.  He seeks to steal our motives, to kill our relationships, and to destroy any perseverance that we exude.  What’s amazing is, God is with us!  Every. Step. Of. The. Way.  God has been with us since day 1!  We just didn’t realize it for a bit!

I care about their children like I care about my own.  They care about my children like they care for their own.  Their family has accepted mine as theirs.  My family has accepted theirs as ours!!!  From aunts and uncles to grandparents and cousins.  We are such a big, unpredictable, super natural, unique, amazing family!

His wife is one of my best friends.  My husband helps him whenever, wherever needed.  Not only have we made the commitment to our daughter but our spouses have gone ALL IN!!!

I encourage you to put “the norm” aside, put your differences aside, GET OVER YOURSELVES when at all possible and open yourself and your heart up to the idea and the possibility that maybe, just MAYBE, you can raise your child up together and not apart.  Stop worrying about child support, spousal support, who cheated who….Keep the kids as the priority and DEFY THE ODDS! BE PARENTS!  Be trend setters!  Increase the other side of the statistic spectrum!  Why not?  Nothing to lose, but a better life for the child(ren) to gain!

I know it’s not always possible.  But, if it could be….let it be!

Bye for now!

RR (and Scott and John and Tammy and Emma and Brooke and Hayden and Shelby and Grayson and Hazel)

Don’t Just Taste the Dirt…Stop to Smell the Roses!

Hi there!  I’ve missed you!

Recently, someone whose opinion I respect very much, gave me some tough love advice.  We were discussing my fears, anxieties, stresses, etc.  She was relating to me on a personal level as well as a “big picture” level.  We, then, discussed the relationships that I have in my life.  We talked about how important my close friends and I are and how we really have each other’s backs.  We discussed how close I am with my mom and how amazing she is.  We talked about how my brother has always been like a father to me, even though he’s only two years older and how he and his wife are my best friends.  We also talked about how well my girls are doing and how much my husband’s support can really calm me down.  With all of this….she looked at me and said….”Rachael….you are so blessed.  You are so fortunate.  You have one of the best support systems I’ve ever heard of.  You need to start making a conscious effort to stop and smell the roses.”

I’ve actually given similar advice to folks in the past.  However, as true with many, I can give advice quicker than I can take it!

I’ve been thinking about what she said a lot lately and she is so right.  I may have been through a lot in my 31 years….but instead of dwelling on what I’ve been through, I am committing to myself that I will remember and embrace the support that I had in my life through it all.  Of all of the hardships, I cannot remember ONE where I didn’t have a support system to help me through it.  Not only the wonderful people in my life, but God!  God has not left my side for a second even when I chose to ignore He was there!  I truly believe that I have the relationships that I have because God is looking out for me!  He knows that I need this!

So what are some ways we can consciously divert our minds off of the negative and focus on the positive?

1. When you have that dreaded time-hop come up reminding you of a bad time, write it down and, next to it, write how you got through it and who helped you.  Then thank God for that and thank the ones that were there for you!
2. When something new arises and is sure to be difficult for you, reach out to the ones who have been there for you before.  Ask them to pray for you and update them!  Don’t shut them out, no matter what the hardship is.  Nurture your support system!
3. Create a blessing box.  I’ve done this with my kids, though we haven’t stayed consistent. (this will change!)  Every night, before bed and before your bed time prayers (don’t forget to pray, ever!) write down one blessing you are thankful for that day.  It could be something that happened that day or could just be something you want to express gratitude for in your life.  This doesn’t have to be a long story.  Just write something down.  Fold it up, and put it in the box.  Anytime you are struggling, open up the blessing box and read.  I would also recommend that you set a yearly date to go through them all.  Birthdays work well!  Also, include your family in the exercise too.  It’s a great way to spend quality family time together and encourage your kids in a positive way!
4. When you’re having a bad day, someone is pushing your buttons, or you are just in a generally bad mood….replace your venting thoughts and venting words with short prayers.  Kinda how people “woo-sah” when they are about to blow up, PRAY!  Doesn’t have to be a long, “Dear God we come to you today…so on and so on….”. Just make it a, “God help me, you’re in control, Amen”.
5. SING!!!  This is something I have to force myself to do when I’m down.  Typically, when I’m having a rough time, I drive in complete silence and basically sulk.  However, if you turn that radio up on a good, inspirational song that you know all of the words to and you sing as loud as you can….you will feel a shift in your mood and in your attitude towards the situation.  It also doesn’t hurt to change your text tone to a goat screaming and/or a fart sound so that when you are singing loud with the music up and someone texts you,  you CANNOT help but smile!! 🙂

These aren’t steps that have given me ultimate peace and serenity that I’m now sharing.  These are tips that I am trying every day and I want to help you to as well!  It won’t be full proof.  It’s not going to work 100% of the time.  But, please, when at all possible, don’t just taste the dirt, STOP TO SMELL THE ROSES!

Bye for now,

RR

Out of the Mouth of Babes…

I.D….When I was younger, that was my “right of passage”.An I.D. was what I “needed” to be an “adult”…It was my proof that I was entering into an era of my life that meant I could do “WHATEVER I WANTED TO DO!”  Of course….no sooner, than I had my I.D., I realized that was NOT what it was for….to this day, I understand that.

My oldest said, the other day, “I need my own I.D.”.  My husband asked, “Emma, what does I.D. stand for?”  To which she replied, “…umm….International Dispoal?”  We laughed about it…still do laugh about it.  However, if you think about it, it really does create a distinct realization that the generational gap is quite large!  International Disposal…..at first, I thought, she obviously just made up a couple of I and D words.  But did she? Really?  Not to get political, but….isn’t she right? In a sense?  Aren’t we disposable to the international, or even NATIONAL reps?  YELP!

I have an American flag hanging on my porch.  I listen to CNN to stay “abreast” on the currently political situation in our country.  I put my hand on my heart during the National Anthem and The Pledge of Allegiance.  I’m an American.  However, not caring a heck of a whole lot about the backlash I might receive here, my allegiance to my country does not, in ANY way, match the allegiance that this year’s Presidential candidates validate as “allegiance”.

To be frank…(my awesome uncle’s name that bears not near enough resemblance to the word because he’s AWESOME)…We are straight up, no doubt, SCREWED in this country relating to the future political “future” of our country.  Turn right, ,we’re screwed, turn left, we’re screwed, 1 foot forward, still screwed, 1 step back…you get the idea.  To that I say, “OK…now what?”  We are all aware of the problem. It’s there…now let’s figure out the solution!  Hey!  I know!…You don’t have to research too far…Genesis 1:1 “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth”  THERE IT IS!  Right in front of us the WHOLE time!  God created the heavens and the earth…why, in our right minds, do we feel like we should rely or trust in one person to take us further?    George Washington, himself, proclaimed, “It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and Bible”.

So to the current state of our country I, Rachael Richmond, proclaim “Do not put so much investment of our livelihood, into those who the enemy has sent!”  Our current society is proof, in itself, that the Lord, our God, is coming back soon!  The influence and the anger  is not of God.  It is of the media, our society, and the devil.  No matter how much we fight the conditioning of our flesh, we CANNOT get discouraged.  We MUST remember who our Maker and our Redeemer is!  It is not Hillary…it is not Trump, it is the true, forever reigning Messiah.

In my house, in my “every day”, in my  typical “human impression” there is and will always be, in a sense, an imposition by the society that we live in.  There is no getting around it outside of faith.  It’s impossible.  I was told, very recently, by a friend that, the reason she appreciated our friendship so much is because I just tell it like it is.  I don’t “sugar coat” and I don’t feed bull.  I’m just real.  The reason for that is, proudly, I really just do not care what people think about me or the way that I think or the way that I raise my kids, I serve my husband, or how I live my life.  I have one true God to serve.  Only one.  Nothing else matters.  I’m not naive to know that the majority of humans rely so much on other’s impressions or understanding of them.  I get it….it makes our lives “easier” in a sense when we are “accepted” by peers, mentors, and otherwise.  It still doesn’t matter though.  The only thing that matters is who we are in the eyes of Christ.

Why are we investing in the ways that society has brainwashed us to think and feel…when it’s the same society that we, very understandably, complain about?  Because the enemy is reeking havoc.  The enemy waits like a thief in the night to steal, kill, and destroy.  In that meaning is the understanding that the enemy will always be against us, no matter what.  In society, in our homes, in our minds….but the only true saving grace is that of our God who sent his son to DIE for us….LITERALLY…could you ever imagine bearing your own child, your flesh and blood, to die for strangers, both living and who has yet to be born?  I couldn’t do it!  No one could ever again….

Seriously, stop worrying about crap that does not matter….because…well…it DOES NOT MATTER!

Bye for now,

RR